When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
