break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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