2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
