I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize