Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
