It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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