Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
