The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
