He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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