duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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