my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
