I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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