ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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