I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
