I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
