Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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