Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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