hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
