dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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