Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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