Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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