haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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