Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize