She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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