im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
