The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
