their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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