im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
