I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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