What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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