she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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