Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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