It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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