So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm passing your future prison.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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