I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
