just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
