I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
