i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
