Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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