i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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