somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
