I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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