Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
