Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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