She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize