She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
