hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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