Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
