heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
