We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I understand Curling. That high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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