Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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