My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
