wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
