she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
