my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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