On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
smell my finger.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
