It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
