shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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