I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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