Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
