So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
