Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jerry, you need to find god
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
