you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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