oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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