the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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