Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
