wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
