i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
